Tips from the Wellness Experts
Last week, Ben DeVoss and Betsy Metcalfe joined Middle School parents at a wellness coffee where they shared tips for helping children manage general stressors and achievement stress based on Richard Weissbourd’s book, The Parents We Mean to Be. Weissbourd, a psychologist and professor at Harvard, sheds new light on the negative impact of a hyper-focus on achievement, specifically the culture of fear and shame that it fosters.
Last week, Ben DeVoss and Betsy Metcalfe joined Middle School parents at a wellness coffee where they shared tips for helping children manage general stressors and achievement stress based on Richard Weissbourd’s book, The Parents We Mean to Be. Weissbourd, a psychologist and professor at Harvard, sheds new light on the negative impact of a hyper-focus on achievement, specifically the culture of fear and shame that it fosters.
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See below for some of Weissbourd’s advice that was discussed at the coffee. For more on this topic, be sure to join Head of School Ronni McCaffrey when she discusses The Parents We Mean to Be at Book Club with Ronni on Thursday, February 9, from 6-7 p.m. in the Hunt Family Learning Commons. The event is hosted by the Parent Education Network.
Helping Children Manage Achievement Stress
- DO reckon with your own rational and irrational hopes, fears and desires for your child around achievement. DON’T tell your children, “It (achievement) doesn’t really matter,” while sending implicit messages to the contrary. This can erode trust, and foster fear and shame in children.
- DO have deep and ongoing conversations with your child about your own upbringing and what the implicit and explicit messages were around achievement. Include the negative and positive experiences that shaped your values. Kids love stories more than lectures. DON’T underestimate what a relief it may bring to your child. Sharing your upbringing and values around achievement helps support maturity and respect, and alleviates fears.
- DO include questions about school climate, character education, service learning, etc. in your admission interviews. DON’T focus only on acceptance strategies or “resume” traits.
- DO appreciate and affirm a variety of skills and accomplishment, e.g., kindness, resilience, perseverance, etc. DON’T celebrate or brag only when your child achieves or when applying to elite schools. Children can see the transparent glow in adults, and this can create a sense of fear or inadequacy.
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Graland Country Day School
Graland Country Day School is a private school in Denver, Colorado, serving students in preschool, kindergarten, elementary, and middle school. Founded in Denver in 1927, Graland incorporates a rich, experiential learning approach in a traditional classroom setting, emphasizing the development of globally and socially conscious leaders who excel academically.
